Episode 23 - Happy Hour!

"Let's go get some coffee."  We emerged from the underground conduits to arrive once again into the synthetic daylight of the Martian space station. Overhead, bright incandescent spots shown down from a fake red sky, their filtered light simulating approximately 5:00PM.

"Happy hour!" Marshall declared quickly joining the crowd of travelers determined to spend their down time in a bar.  "This place gives you a whole plate of those little bacon wrapped wienies for only two credits as long as you buy at least one pitcher.  The first dancer comes on at 6.  You should get a look at her.  If you do nothing else on Mars, boys, you must see Marla, the Andorian.  When she gets those three giant knockers swinging..."

"I'm good with that," Derrick interrupted and followed Marshall.

"I'm going for coffee," I announced again loudly.  If they wanted my help, they were going to have to get it on my terms.  I liked those bacon wrapped wienies as much as the next guy and I certainly wasn't averse to watching a triple-breasted Andorian stripper dance but if the future of the whole Earth was at stake then we needed to get to work, not reserve prime seats for the next show.

"I want Marla," the little Martian announced.

"No way.  You're too young.  You were just born like what, fours hours ago?"  Derrick turned his back on Fogweet as Marshall paused and gazed at the wall where a huge vid flashed pics of Marla in her various poses.  I considered trying to cover Fogweet's enormous eyes with my hands but I was too busy covering my own.

"Martians age quite rapidly.  Fogweet is a teenager now, roughly equivalent to a sixteen year old boy.  Come on, buddy.  I'll take you into Starbucks and buy you a cherry mocha frappucino with extra whip and sprinkles."

"Can I have a whoopie pie too, Uncle Jerry?" the little dude asked, his voice cracking.
"Sure."

"And two large fries from the Golden Arches next door? And a megamundo burrito with eighteen layers? And a bucket of original recipe fried chicken? And ..."  I grabbed the Martian's skinny arm and dragged him into the coffee shop.  Reluctantly, Derrick and Marshall followed. After we got our drinks and some food, we settled at one of those teeny round tables next to the simulated fireplace.

"Okay Derrick," I announced though I kept my voice really low so the other patrons wouldn't hear.  I didn't really know who or what we were dealing with.  The enemy could be any one, even that fat green doubled headed Beckwad two tables over.  With his extra head, his hearing was practically surround sound.  "This first thing I need you to do is get your C.O.  to contact Spaceforce Command and put me on special assignment.  The Earth is as important to me as the next guy but so is my career."

"What?" Derrick asked.

"I didn't catch that," Marshall yelled.  "Are you whispering?"

"Yes, I'm whispering," I whispered.

"What?" Derrick asked again.

"Why are you whispering in here?  You know, I could really use some whiskey in this coffee."  Marshall stood up.   "I think I'll go next door and have them add it.  They don't have whiskey here in Starbucks, do they?"

Marshall walked off as I leaned over and repeated my request in Derrick's ear.  Fogweet had finished his drink and jumped up too while explaining he was off to get egg rolls from the Lucky Wok two doors down.  From the corner of my eye, I saw him follow Marshall into the strip joint instead.

"Ok Jerry," Derrick agreed pulling out his cell.  "I'll get my boss right on it."

"Thanks.  Now Derrick,  I need to know everything."  Derrick cradled his cup in his hands and composed his thoughts.  He nodded his head slowly.

"Alright.  It all started about four months ago," he began.

"Dr. Waldman?  I'm sorry.  I don't mean to interrupt but aren't you Dr. Waldman from the Discovery?"

With a bit of annoyance, I tore my eyes away from Derrick to look at the girl who was now standing by my side. For a moment, I couldn't breathe.  Here I was an absolute wreck, stinking, filthy dirty, my uniform not fit to be a wash rag while sitting with a guy equally disastrous, my only comfort being that no one knew me here.  Now, out of nowhere, The Girl appeared.  The Girl had golden blonde curls and deep blue eyes and her own ensign's uniform was absolute perfection.  We had met on a spaceplane last year, sharing a row of too small seats and since that fateful moment, The Girl, This Girl had consumed my thoughts.

"Uh Jerry?" Derrick cleared his throat.

"Derrick," I coughed. "Um...let me introduce Special Agent Derrick Thomas...Ensign Katie Golden, Spaceforce Academy Graduate of the Year."

Episode 22 - "Noodlier Dive"

"Marshall! Get your ass over here and help me with this Big Head! You know we need that chip!" Officer Marshall looked like hammered hell but his addictions were the least of my concerns.

Marshall leaned in and grabbed Fogweet by the neck. He was a a man a some size, and lifted the Big Head with ease. I climbed off of the doctor and got to my feet. "Hey, hold him up in front of me" I told Marshall and slugged Fogweet hard in the gut.

"Hey Derrick, what the hell man! You can't just go punching...", the doctor stopped short as I picked up the shiny gold chip off of the ground. 

"Doc, I'm pretty patient with you and your freak Martian buddy over here 'cause I know you're not really a military man, but you have no clue how important this chip is. It is no toy, nor candy, nor anything else to be played with. I've been through hell and high-water to acquire this from that agent, to keep it hidden from those wild Big Heads, and to keep its location secret from those monstrous traders. I've been beaten quite severely, chained like an animal with no hope of escape, and bitten by what you tell me is probably some rabid alien trader, all with the intent of reacquiring this chip and completing my mission, so if you think that your sensitivities or the sweet tooth of this little Martian is going to stand in my way, you are sorely and sadly mistaken. Are we clear?" 

I hadn't even noticed but I had my good arm across Jerry's chest and had him pinned against the far wall of the conduit. My anger subsided a bit and I took my arm off of the doctor. His eyes were glassy behind his glasses. A tear streamed down his face, but I could tell this was not a tear from fear, but more from adrenaline and his own anger. He collected himself and put his finger in my face; "You listen here you obnoxious brute. I may not be a cold-hearted, violent, murderous soldier like you, but I am a military man and I have made plenty of my own sacrifices just to find and help you on this bullshit quest of yours. So remember that next time you lay hands on me or my freak friend over there. Now, if you don't mind... Tell your massive minion over there to release Fogweet before he chokes him to death and explain what the hell is so important about this chip of yours, because your secrets are getting boring and old."

Officer Marshall put Fogweet down and the two surrounded Jerry and I. They were as interested in an explanation of the chip as the doc was.

There was complete silence in the conduit as the two men's faces wore the gravity of the information I had presented to them. "What is Noodlier dive?" the little Big Head asked. "It's Nuclear Drive genius!" I corrected him. Jerry rubbed his eyes under his glasses trying to process everything he had just heard; "So you're telling me that there is some sort of fusion device in this spaceport that has the capability of creating a nuclear explosion that could globally decimate the Earth?"

"That is exactly what I am telling you doc! The device was scheduled to be shipped to some technologically backwards colony somewhere in star system-Alpha but we got word that is was going to be hijacked by those traders we ran into. I was sent here to try and stop them, but by the time I arrived on this freakin' rock it was already too late. The device had been stolen and stashed somewhere secret. The one saving grace was that we had other agents working on our behalf. That old lady in the lift from earlier is a Martian agent working to ensure that the device does not get off this planet in the traders' possession and so she removed the chip from the device before it was stolen. She knew that the device would not work without it and that the alien traders would not be able to leave without it, so it was her best effort at stalling until I could get here to help. And now that I'm here, and finally have a hold of the chip it is imperative that I keep it out of their hands."

"But you're saying that these traders want to take the device to Earth? And then what, set it off? Why?" Officer Marshall asked, his voice trembling.

"That information is classified Officer, sorry I can't share that with you."

"Damnit Derrick, what is wrong with you people? You government spooks don't ever think in the world of reality. That device is on the loose somewhere you have not located yet, those traders are apparently all over the place with one intent: killing us all for that chip, and once they get it they will transport a nuclear device to our home planet with the intent of detonating it and probably wiping out life as we know it, and you're still concerned about your damn secrets? Classified? Seriously? Don't you think it's about time to give us all of the information we need to help you?"

"Help me? So you're sticking around a little longer then doc?"

"I don't see that I even have a choice now Derrick, do I?"

Episode 21 - One man's top secret microchip, another man's candy.

"Ah, Derrick," I sighed.  "You sure made a mess of yourself.  Sit down and let me try to patch you up.  Fogweet, go stand over there, little dude.  Maybe you'll find another one of those pretty lights."

"Okay Uncle Jerry."  Fogweet backed away while glancing cautiously at Derrick.  "Man have big owie."

"Yes, he does, buddy."  I extracted some anti-septic and sealant from my kit.  "But we'll fix him up.  Is that an ice cream cone I see down that way?"

"Where?" Fogweet squealed and bolted across the conduit as I swabbed at the tooth marks in Derrick's arm. 

 "Well Derrick, I guess you weren't very tasty.  I'll put on some sealant and then, I'm going to wrap you up in this bandage.  When you get home, go check in with your family doctor.  You may need some reconstructive work." 

"Thanks Doc."  Derrick leaned heavily against the wall and let out a long breath.  "I think it's going to be a while until I get home though."

"Not too long, I hope," I replied finishing up and repacking my bag.  "There's a possibility this guy was caring Martian Rabies.  I'm thinking you should probably start the series of twenty-seven shots just in case."

"Rabies?"  Derrick choked and his eyes grew wide.  "I can handle knives and guns, Doc, but shots make me faint.  Twenty-seven of them will probably kill me dead."

"Me too," Officer Marshall agreed and swiped at his sweaty neck.  "I'm glad that guy didn't make my arm his lunch.  Hey Doc, any chance you've got some more of that rubbing alcohol in your bag?"

"Sorry.  Listen Derrick, I've really got to catch the next flight out.  If I don't make it to the ship by tomorrow, I'll be AWOL and I don't even want to think about what that will mean for my career.  I'm going to head back upstairs and I suggest you do too.  If you start to have hallucinations or feel dizzy get yourself to a medic quickly and start those shots.  Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure Doc."  Derrick kneaded his own sweaty forehead.  "You sure you don't want to hang around here a little longer and keep an eye on me yourself?  I mean, you know better than me and Marshall what Martian Rabies look like."

"Sorry," I said again and handed Derrick a prescription for antibiotics and pain killers.  "I'll be at the gate for a little while.  I think the next flight isn't for another hour or so.  Ring or text me if you get worried but chances are he wasn't rabid.  He didn't drool or have really bad breath, did he?"

"Bad breath?" Derrick squeaked.

"Probably nothing," I reiterated.  "My cell number is on that script.  Call me if you need me."

"Is this in English?  I can't read anything here.  Do they purposely teach you how to write unintelligibly in med school?" Derrick mumbled when suddenly, Fogweet came running up the conduit.

"Uncle Jerry!  No ice cream cones down there but Fogweet find something else!"

"What is it, little buddy?" I asked as he jumped around, his luminescent head excitedly pulsing yellow light and reflecting off the dark walls of the shaft.

"Fogweet find candy!"  He held out his hand to display a tiny gold square and was just about to pop it in his mouth when Derrick launched himself at it.  "Mine!" Fogweet roared and flashed his dozens of tiny sharp teeth. 

"Give it to me!" Derrick screamed.  "That's a chip, you idiot, not candy!"

"Mine," Fogweet declared again and swallowed the chip.  "Yummy."

"Uh oh," Officer Marshall mumbled.  "I'm not going to hang around to watch it come out the other end."

"Give it back!"  Derrick wrapped his arms around Fogweet's tiny neck causing the Martian's big head to lob from side to side.  "Either spit it out or Uncle Jerry is going to cut it out.  Get your scalpel ready, Doc."

"Nuh uh," Fogweet growled and his head started to glow red hot.  "My candy, right Uncle Jerry?"

"Hey, keep me out of this.  One man's top secret microchip is another man's candy."  I swung my kit over my shoulder and headed toward the stairs.  "Don't be a stranger, Derrick.  Email me some time."

"Fogweet live with Uncle Jerry!" the Martian let out a plaintive cry and wrestled away from Derrick.  He 

barreled down the conduit and leaped on my back, once again threading his sticky fingers through my hair.

"Get back here you little Big Head!" Derrick raged racing after us.  "Stop!"  A moment later, I found myself once again on the floor, flattened beneath Fogweet and Derrick.  While they wrestled above me, Marshall nervously paced the tiny corridor, his hands trembling from lack of nicotine. 

"I'm going to miss the last flight out tonight, aren't I?" I asked no one in particular, my head jammed against the cement. 

"Looks that way, Doc," Marshall replied.  "You sure you don't have anything else in your bag I can drink?  Maybe one of those tiny little hotel bottles of gin?  Whiskey?  Vodka?  Light beer?"

Episode 20 - Derrick's Escape

The trader and his minion continued shoving me forward down the conduit. I was getting fed up with being pushed around but I knew that this was not the time to try and protest. The head trader was at least eight feet tall and probably at least four hundred pounds. Combine his stature with the weapons around his belt and the sharpness of his fangs and I was certainly at a slight disadvantage. I knew in order to escape I'd have to find or create a moment but this was not it, not yet.

"Stalling is making me angered. Show me chip now or die to death."

As if their foul breathe and pushing wasn't bad enough, their blatant butchering of the English language was grating on my nerves. 

I scanned the area ahead of me, continuing to count the steps we took in my head. It was four hundred feet between emergency beacons and I was nearly at the next one. Through the darkness, dragging my feet, I came up on the next beacon. I pretending to trip again, and as I fell to the ground I initiated the next one. 

"What you do? What that light?" I heard over my shoulder as a mammoth foot came crashing down on my back. The weight of the blow knocked the air out of my lungs. I regained my senses and turned over; "It's a marker I placed to show me the way to the chip I hid." It was a blatant bluff, but it was all I could come up with at the minute. The head trader leaned down over me, his vile breathe making me nauseous. He seethed over me for several moments before he acquiesced. 

"You get up now and find chip, or you find your head under foot next time."

I got to my feet and continued to stumble forward. All I could do was pray that somewhere, someone was monitoring the feed from the emergency beacons and was alerted to the distress signal, because I was certainly in plenty of distress.

Another four hundred feet forward and I was able to convince the traders to allow me to initiate another beacon. A flimsy plan at best, but it was working, and it was all I had to go on, until...

"Fogweet find another one, see; there are many, many lights for Fogweet to play with" I heard approaching from behind us. There was a small glimmer of light approaching from where we had come from. The two traders turned towards the voice and my moment had arrived.

The light from my plasma blade illuminated the entire conduit in a blink of an eye. There was a loud howl as the thick muscular arm of the trader in front of me came off with almost no effort. He spun around and clubbed me with his armored hand in my chest. I was lifted off my feet and fell backward onto my back. I tried to recover from the fall and find the blade which had slipped from my hand, but suddenly I had several hundred pounds of beast on top of me. I threw my forearm up over my face and could feel the sharp fangs of the trader pressing into my flesh. I wailed in pain, feeling his teeth against my bone. 

I was briefly blinded by the sudden light of Fogweet's large head as he jumped on the trader's back and sank his own sharp teeth into his neck. Again the beast wailed out in pain, but in the process he released my arm from his jaws and lifted his weight off of my body. Adrenaline drove me backward toward my blade and with all the energy in my body I ran forward plunging the blade into the abdomen of the trader. The smell of searing flesh wafted throughout the air; "Mmmm, smell like dinner" Fogweet said as he unclamped  his teeth from the neck of the dead villain.

"Fogweet! Fogweet! Where the hell did you go Big Head?" I heard approaching from the far end of the conduit. 

"Sgt. Thomas? Oh my God, it is you!" 

I could make out the voice of officer Marshall, and as he came over and placed an arm around my waist to help me up I could see his face. 

"If I may say so, you look like shit sir..." he said, lifting me off the ground. 

"You don't look too hot yourself Marshall, you must be jonesing right about now, huh?" The look in his eyes and the smell of rubbing alcohol on his breathe confirmed my suspicions.


"What happened to the head trader? Did you guys take him out?"


"Head who? We didn't see anyone else besides this dismembered thing you killed over here, phew, what a stench by the way..."


The reality that the main trader had somehow escaped the conduit and was still out there searching for the chip was troubling, but I was bleeding and did not have the energy to go in pursuit right this minute. He would have to wait, for now...

Another familiar voice addressed me; "Well, I never thought I'd say this but it's good to see you again Derrick."

"Yeah, the feeling is mutual doc. What the fuck took you so long anyway?"

(TTiS is an interactive Episodic Saga, from the minds of: J. Naomi Ay & Ahmad Taylor. Follow the whole tale here and the individual stories at: J. Naomi Ay & Ahmad Darkside Musings)

Episode 19 - Jerry

"What is it?" Fogweet asked burying his big eyes in my hair, getting my head all sticky as if it wasn't dirty enough.

"Not sure," the cop replied, now shaking from lack of nicotine.  "Whatever it was, it sure ain't that anymore."

"Hey Fogweet," I said trying to unlatch the little dude.  "Go look over in that pipe and see if you can find anything else."

"Like what, Uncle Jerry?"

"I don't know.  Maybe there's some candy or ice cream bars.  If you look really hard, you might even see our buddy Derrick."

"Okay."  He scampered off while I reached into my bag for my stethoscope, otoscope and knee hammer.  I also opened the app on my iPhone that did an instant PET scan and MRI to see if there was any life left in this thing.

"What do you think it is, Doc?" the cop asked while trying not to look but somehow couldn't seem to turn his eyes away.

"It is a Luminerian man roughly twenty-seven years of age, lacerated spleen, four broken ribs and a puncture to his left ventricle chamber.  He's got a cerebral contusion as well as a broken nose and eechymosis in both eyes.  If that isn't bad enough, it looks like he split his lip."

"It's not Derrick then?"

"No."  I started an IV, loading the guy up with all sorts of meds.  "Last time I checked Derrick was biologically Human."

"They look kind of the same," the cop continued, squinting as he watched me work.

"Not really."  I rolled the Luminerian over a tiny bit.  "He's got an extra leg right here in back.  In front, beneath his shirt there's a third arm.  I suspect he was trying to appear as Human to fool someone else.  Can you use your phone and ring someone to come get this guy?  I've got a beacon in my bag.  We can leave it flashing next to him to alert the rescue crew."

"Pretty!" Fogweet said as he returned with an ice cream bar.  He touched the red light and then laughed as his finger pulsed red too.  "Fogweet like flashy lights.  Can I keep it for myself?  Fogweet won't let brother and sisters play with my toy."

"No Fogweet," I said as I packed my bag after giving the Luminerian one last dose of morphine.  "The light belongs to the sick man.  Here, you can play with my knee hammer.  Just don't hit the nice policeman in the head."

"Fogweet don't want knee hammer!"  He threw it down and launched into a tantrum, stomping his feet.  "Fogweet want pretty light.  Fogweet get one for my own."  Then he scampered down the conduit toward the lift tubes.

"Where's he going?" the cop asked in a sweat.  "Are you sure you don’t have any nicotine gum in that bag?  I mean it, Doc.  I'm suffering.  I needed my fix two hours ago."

"Sorry, the only gum I've got is Juicy Fruit."

"Uncle Jerry?"  Fogweets voice echoed off the walls.  "Fogweet found another pretty light just for me."

"What?" I yelled back and started to run in his direction.  "Where are you, Fogweet?  What do you see?"

"That," Fogweet replied from the lift shaft.  An emergency beacon was flashing red like a nun buoy light.  It illuminated footsteps in the dust, a couple which looked like a size thirteen. 

"What do you think?" I asked the cop.  "Those could be Derrick's."

"I think a drink would work instead.  By chance do you have any alcohol in your bag?"

"Yeah," I admitted, tossing him a vial of the rubbing kind.  "I'm going to follow this trail and see if it's him.  Will you call your guys and have them back me up?"

"Sure," the cop sighed while rubbing his face.  "This is the best drink I've had since I've lived on Mars."  Then he took out his android phone and called his fellow cops.  "Can you bring me a pack of cigs and a loaded gun?  We're on the trail of the missing agent from that secret force.  The Doc here is as determined as a blood hound.  Maybe pick up a few sandwiches on your way.  Let's find this guy and get everybody home before dinner."

Episode 18 - Derrick

The trader released my shackles from the wall and I came crashing to the ground. Immediately there were hands under my arms dragging me across the floor. My head was still throbbing and I was in no shape to attempt to fight back against these creatures so I allowed myself to thrown around like a rag doll for the moment.

We exited the room we were in and found ourselves back in the conduit, “Now, you tell me where you hid the chip and this can all be over very soon Human.” The distaste for me and all humans was evident in the trader’s voice. I knew this was not going to end well, but I also knew the value of the chip and that I had to protect by any means possible, including losing my life.

I had no idea of whether Jerry was out there looking for me, or if anyone else was searching for my location, but I did have one idea of how I might bring some help my way. I directed the group down the conduit away from the link to the lift shaft, and thus away from where I had hidden the chip. The creatures crawled along the path I set forth and dragged me along behind them. Ahead of us was a faint light. As we approached the source of the light I could see the floor of the conduit was broken through providing another link to the lift shaft. I wanted desperately to keep them out of the shaft, but they were already descending and I was still shackled and being dragged along so I could not provide much resistance. There was a sudden tug and I slid through the opening and fell several feet to the bottom of the shaft floor.

I landed hard, but my fall was somewhat softened by the large mass of one of the traders beneath me. He let out a loud grunt and the life seemed to go from his body. I leaned over and examined the body with my hands. His neck was certainly broken. I felt around more for anything I could find. I quietly tucked a few finds in my pockets and then I heard the voice of the head trader calling back to his minion in whatever language they spoke. When there was no response, I could hear him coming toward us. I scurried to my feet and held my hands up to show I was not a threat. The trader and another of his men grabbed me by the back of my neck; “You show us chip now or next dead body is you!”

I nodded my agreement and pointed up the shaft.

As we walked I frantically searched the dark crevices of the shaft with my feet for what I needed. After several meters I finally stumbled over it. I tumbled to the ground and used that moment to pull the emergency safety beacon on the floor. My guess had been proven right, hoping the beacon would exist and hoping the backup power to the shaft had been restored; I had been able to activate a signal to the terminal’s safety and security department. Whether anyone was monitoring it at that moment was the least of my concerns. At least there was some request for assistance sent out.

The trader pulled me to my feet and ushered me forward. Now I had to just hold out til someone could find me. I prayed I’d still be alive when they did.

Tag Team in Space is an interactive collaborative science fiction story by J. Naomi Ay & Ahmad Taylor. Keep up on the adventures of Dr. Jerry Waldman and Sgt. Derrick Thomas as they experience the wild happenings on Mars and in outer-space.

Tag Team in Space - Episode 17 - Jerry

I didn't know where Derrick had disappeared to.  It seemed like we wandered these conduits for a week and a half.  Fogweet was getting whiney and needed a nap while the cop kept complaining that he had missed his smoke break.

"Derrick?" I yelled at each and every corner.  "Derrick, buddy?  We're here to rescue you."

"Listen, Doc," the cop finally sighed.  "I think we need to go topside.  It's the end of my shift and I'm off duty."

"Alright," I agreed though something in my gut was telling me there was a problem.  It was then that I remembered stuffed into the bottom of my kit was my new iPad Mini 68.  It had STE data transfer speeds which in space were amazingly fast.  It was provided by Spaceforce so I didn't have to pay as they had an unlimited plan.  I had downloaded an App before I left home that detected life force emissions.  It was only .99 cents and for an extra buck, I could upgrade to analyze heat waves.  "It had four and half stars," I told the cop and Fogweet as I knelt down to dig through my bag.

"Any chance you've got a cigarette in there too?" the cop asked all twitchy as he seriously needed a fix. 

"I've got ibuprofen or acetaminophen pills.  Sorry, I don't have any nicotine.  I do have an App that's supposed to help you quit.  My cousin in New Jersey was trying it.  He said it worked pretty well.  He was down to three a day.  You log in each time you want a cig and then…"

"I don't want an App!" the cop interrupted.  "All I want is one bloody cigarette."

"Sorry," I mumbled and pulled out the iPad, hoping it would find a signal.

"Cool," Fogweet gasped as he hadn't seen one before.  "Fogweet wants to play too."

"Later," I told him.  "I'll download Angry Birds but first we need to find our friend Derrick."  I opened the App and wouldn't you know it, immediately it registered a body.  It was around the corner from us and maybe ten metres down.  Fortunately, it was still pulsing blue.  The emissions were Co2 and the temperature was 97 which meant that it probably was human.  "That way!"  I pointed and took off at a run following the trail the App showed.  We rounded the corner and headed down the tube until the body came in sight.

 

"What?" the cop screamed.

"Ew!" Fogweet mumbled and climbed back on my head.

"Oy!" I yelled.  "What do we do now?"

Episode 16 - Jerry

"You're trying to steal a Martian baby!" the screener guy yelled at me.  "That's a Federal offense with a minimum sentence of twenty-five years in the clink!"

"I'm not," I insisted both to the guy and the Fogweet.  "He hid in my pants on his own.  I don't want him.  I don't need a nephew.  I've already got six of them back in New Jersey."

"Uncle Jerry," the Fogweet cried with big tears in his eyes.  "Why don't you love me?  I'm a good boy."

"You're under arrest."  An officer approached and flashed his holographic badge.  He grabbed me and shoved me against the wall.  I was patted down once again.  Fortunately, this time nothing strange popped out although I was getting tired of foreign hands in my private places.  The Fogweet climbed on my back and then sat on my head as the officer cuffed me and led me away.

"Please," I begged.  "I need to call Spaceforce Command.  Someone in the Distressed Officer Service can help out.  They'll explain the situation or at least provide me with an attorney as I'm certain I didn't do anything wrong."

"Save it for the Judge," the officer grumbled.  "I don't want hear about your problems today.  This spaceport's been in a state of crises all afternoon.  The lifts are out of service and some dudes went missing underground.  On top of that, Starbucks ran out of coffee."

"I'm one of the dudes!" I screamed.  "At least, I think I am.  I was stuck underground for several hours."  I explained about Fogwat, all the other Big Heads and the fight.  "Ask Derrick.  He was stuck down there with me.  He'll vouch for everything that I just said."

"Derrick?"  The officer stopped and turned around to look at me.  "You know Derrick?"

"Yeah, the one who is some kind of under-cover spy?"

"Do you know where he is?"  I got slammed against the wall again as the cop stuck his big nose in my face.

"No.  I left him a while ago and then Fogwat and I went home to his hole to deliver his Fogweets.  I almost stayed for dinner but it sounded like Fogwat would be the main course so I left as quickly as I could and came back here.  Didn't Derrick make it out?  Oh gosh, I hope that he's not hurt.  He was fighting those guys with that weird sword thing that he had.  Damn!  I've probably missed my plane already so we might as well go back down and see if we can find him.  I left him in the lift conduits somewhere near the outside door.  He told us to run and we did so it's not my fault."

"I don't care whose fault it is!" the cop growled and yelled for backup on his com.  He uncuffed me and pulled me along the wall.  "You had better find him and hope it's not too late.  Derrick is an asset we don't want to lose."  Then he shoved me through a door and followed me down a set of metal stairs.  We entered the tunnel that joined the conduits above the lifts. 

"It could be this way or that," I sighed looking left, right, up and down.  Each time I did, a light shown in that direction.  I realized the Fogweet was still sitting on my head and lighting the path for us while clutching my hair with his sticky Martian hands.

"Figure it out," the cop demanded.  "You had better be right or you are dead.  Messing with a Federal Agent will get you terminated."

"Left!" I cried quickly and made a move to step in that direction.

"Right!" the Fogweet yelled steering me like a horse.

"Which is it?" the cop asked and so for a moment I paused and thought.  I decided trust my fate to the Martian Fogweet.

"Right," I replied decisively and headed off in the right direction calling Derrick's name and hoping he was there.

Episode 15 - Derrick

My eyes opened to a dim light across the room. My head was cloudy and throbbing, and I could feel the knot on my head swelling by the moment. As my vision cleared more I could make out four large, hulking figures in the far corner of the room. They were aggressively involved in some sort of discussion, pushing and shoving each other as they spoke.

I tried to rub the bump on my head but realized that my hands were restrained against the wall. “What the hell have you gotten yourself into now Derrick?” I said under my breathe. Apparently not silent enough because the four figures suddenly turned around and looked in my direction.

One of the figures pushed his way through the group and made his way over to me. The smell coming from his body was overwhelmingly offensive and his face; scarred and grotesque, matched his odor. He grabbed my face in his partially gnarled hand and leaned forward.

“Chip! You give me chip now Human!” he demanded, drool oozing through his sharp fangs and down his jaw.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have any chip pal.”

He was less than impressed with my answer as he threw a massive blow to my abdomen. I gasped in agony, and spit up everywhere.

He grabbed my face again in his hand and lifted my head; “You not as tough as you think. You will give me chip or you will die… Maybe both” he said, laughing as he looked into my dejected eyes. He turned back to his cohorts and began barking orders in whatever language they spoke.

By his demeanor and how the others deferred to him, I could only surmise that this was the infamous trader the Big Heads were worried about.

I tried to think hard about what my next course of action was going to be. I didn’t have my blade on me, and even if I did, my hands were chained to the wall so I couldn’t fight back regardless. What I wouldn’t give to see the doc right now or even that stupid little Big Head Fogwat.

I had to try and buy myself sometime to think of a way out of this.

I coughed up the bile that was welling up in my throat and called out to the trader; “Okay buddy, Okay. I can get you that chip. Just give me a minute to remember where it is” I said, hoping my answer would help me avoid another punch and allow me the time I needed to figure a way out of this mess.

The trader turned back to me and came closer; “Now, now. Don’t hold my actions against me. I sometimes lose my… how do you Humans say it, ‘cool’? You tell me what I need to know and I let you go. I promise” he said, with what I could only imagine was his version of a smile.

I looked at the others, weapons in hand, and I knew his promises were meaningless. I also knew that if I didn’t give them any information I was dead anyway. My choices were more than limited. I could really use your help now Jerry, where the hell are you?

Episode 14 - Jerry

I walked around the building.  It seemed like I trekked for miles until I found a service door that let me into a utility closet.  My ankle hurt, my ribs ached and I had broken a bunch of fingernails.  My uniform was filthy, my hair a mess and besides all that, I really needed a shower.  I hoped to find an Insta-cube where I could be quickly cleaned if I had time still remaining before my flight.  It would cost twenty-five dollars but if wanted to stay in the Force, I would need to look presentable before I arrived.

"Hey," a guy said as I limped up beside him at the desk where he sat watching the station's electrical connections.  "You're not authorized to be in here."

"You're telling me," I sighed.  "Just show me the way out preferably in the direction of the United SpaceLines terminal."  He pointed at a door that led up to a stair that I climbed with my last bit of energy.  I emerged in a foyer that opened to a gate that led to the security screening area.  "I'm here at last," I breathed getting into the queue though a woman glared down her nose at me.  She turned to her companion and whispered so I could hear, "It's a shame what Spaceforce is coming to."

I thought about telling her off, describing everything I'd been through from getting stuck in the lift with that strange dude Derrick.  I could even show her pictures I had taken on my iPhone 8 of Fogwat and his brood of new Fogweets.  I could describe in great detail my hike across the Martian plain and pounding on every door beneath the airdome but my flight was due to depart in twenty-minutes and if I didn't hurry, I'd miss my next connection on Altaris III.

I was almost through the screening, standing patiently through my pat-down as there was no way I'd walk through that radioactive scanner. 

"I'm just going to touch you right here," the screener said.  "Nothing personal, it's just my job.  Do you have anything in your pants besides your…uhem?"

"I hope not," I replied.  "Last I checked, it was just me."  Come to think of it, something in there was feeling quite strange.

"We'll have to go in back," the screener said.  "You've definitely got something moving that shouldn't be.  You need to remove your pants and let me see."  If this day could get any worse, I surely didn't believe and now I was down to fifteen minutes before my flight.  I went in the private back room and removed my shirt and pants to discover I had indeed picked up a stow-away.  It was one of the Fogweets who popped out of my boxer short.

"Hi Uncle Jerry," he called.  "I'm living with you!"

Episode 13 - Jerry

I ran.  Derrick was hurt but if I didn't get out of there I'd be dead and sorry, I wasn't going to give up my life for a guy I met in an elevator an hour ago.  Fogwat bolted ahead of me, his giant head like a glistening beacon, leading the way out of this conduit, out of this elevator shaft and out of this spaceport terminal altogether.  We ended up topside in the red Martian dirt under an oxygen dome which blotted out the sky.

"Fogwat take Jerry home," my big headed friend cried gleefully.  "Fogweets so excited to meet their new uncle.

"

"Uh Fogwat," I protested though I followed him anyway as I hadn't a clue where the spaceport entrance might be.  When I arrived here I had come in through the shuttle landing bay which was nowhere to be seen from the ground.  "Can you get me back to the terminal, buddy?  I've got a flight to catch and at this rate, I'll have to go through security screening again.  I hate their machines.  I think they give off too much radiation so I need to opt out and request a pat down instead.  That'll take at least an extra thirty minutes so as much as I'd like to meet your Fogweets, I don't really have any time to waste."

"Sure Jerry," Fogwat replied not slackening his pace or turning to change his direction.  "Jerry, friend Jerry meet all Fogwat peeps and then Jerry eat dinner with us too."

"Fogwat please!" I begged.  "I really need to get to my ship.  It's my first posting as Head of Sickbay.  I've worked toward this for years after spending the first twenty in school.  I'm desperate here, buddy.  I can't lose this job."

"Not to worry, friend Jerry.  Fogweets meet, eat dinner and then dessert and after that tea.  Fogwat take Jerry to space shuttle plane, Jerry fly off to the stars.  Someday, Fogwat meet Jerry again."

"Ok," I agreed.  What choice did I have?  I was lost on mountain of Martian dirt.  I had to trust Fogwat as there was no one else around and after trusting Derrick, this is where I had ended up.  From a hole in the mountain of this dry dusty soil another big head suddenly appeared.  It was followed by a body that was identical to Fogwat's except for a giant extended belly.

"Fogwut!" Fogwat cried at the joyful reunion.  "Friend Jerry come for time just in the nick."

"I am ready," Fogwut panted, her hands on her belly which I realized was quivering and quaking.

"Oy vey," I gasped.  "Sweet Jesus," I cried and got to work with my medical kit.  In short order, Fogweets appeared; all four a carbon copy of their parents which I considered unfortunate for them.

"Fogwat so happy," Fogwat wept.

"Get over it," Fogwut snapped.  "Four diapers all need to be changing."

"Dinner time," Fogwat ordered.  "Fogwut get up and make food for Jerry."

"I'll cook Fogwat for dinner if he doesn't shut his mouth!"

It was time for me to go so I cleaned my gear and packed my kit thanking everyone around for their hospitality.  "I don't need dinner tonight, friend," I insisted.  "I'm not hungry.  In fact I just ate before getting into that lift an hour and a half ago.  I'll be on my way, thank you very much.  It's been fun, really it has and now I can tell everyone I delivered four Martian babies.  Yep," I started to back away.  "I think I hear Derrick calling me.  See ya later, everybody.  Maybe next time I visit Mars, or not."  I ran back down that hill as fast as my feet could fly in the direction I thought the spaceport had last been.  I ran until I was out of breath.  I ran until my ankle turned but I couldn't find that blasted building anywhere.

Episode 12 - Derrick

I can't believe I'm being dragged up by this Martian freak with his weird extendable arms. This was exactly the last thing I imagined would be happening at this point in the day when I woke up this morning.

Fogwat finally hauled us up into the conduit and I asked doc to pull out his torch so we could gain our bearings. 

Suddenly I heard some voices; "Hey shut that damn thing off now! Turn it off!" I whispered intently, slapping Jerry's hand down to try and get the light out.

"Wait, what? What the hell..." he began, but I quickly threw my hand over his mouth.

"Shhhh. Shut the hell up Jerry. Just be quiet, please!" I looked over to the Big Head, "Hey, dim that dome of yours right now, and keep your trap shut!"

Fogwat looked confused, but Jerry gave him a nod to obey, and the glow from his huge head went out.

"You two stay right here, and don't make a sound" I commanded as I began crawling along the conduit toward the noises I heard. 

The upper conduit to the tube was dark and even more wet and smelly than the actual tube. I forced myself to hold in my disgust as I tried to decipher the voices I was approaching. I could make out at least three voices, but was not certain if there were any more than that.

I approached the bend in the conduit and leaned my head out slightly to try and listen in better.

"You find them... You find them now and get that damn micrometer chip before I lose my patience with you!" a voice demanded. The other two voices made sounds of compliance and began moving in different directions.

I was unfamiliar with the main voice, but I had to assume it was the trader the head Big Head had told us about. I knew having the trader and his minions after us was sure trouble, so I tried to slowly back up down the conduit, back to Jerry and our Martian companion.

"Ow! Ow! Fogwat here, you step on Fogwat foot Derrick, say sorry."

I turned around to see the freakin' Martian standing right behind me. "You jack ass, I told you to stay put and shut the hell..." was all I could muster before I was tackled from behind. 

My head slammed against the wall of the conduit and then into Fogwat who then fell over backward crying.

I cleared my head, and spun around the face my attacker who had me firmly pinned down to the ground. My arms were trapped at my side under his enormous weight. I could smell his vile breathe and could see a dim orange glare in his eyes. Whatever this thing was, it was big, and strong, and pretty ferocious. 

I could feel its weight shift and I quickly swung my head to the side just in time to escape his lunging attack with his mouth. I screamed as I felt several sharp teeth sink into my shoulder. The creature clamped down on my shoulder with such an amazing bite force that I thought I would black out from the pain. I tried to wriggle my way lose from its jaws but it was locked in tight and the more I writhed the more the pain set in. 

I bucked upward and was able to bring my left leg up against what I hoped was the groin of the thing. It made a strange moan and released its bite on my shoulder. I tried to move but was still firmly pinned and now had an open wound which was bleeding pretty good. What the hell was I going to do?

My attacker leaned in close to my face and muttered; "Fuck you human!" in garbled English, and I could tell it was coming in for another bite. 

With all my strength I bucked my hips again and brought my knee up again. This gave me a brief window of opportunity as the creature rolled to the side a bit. My left hand gained some movement and I reacted as quickly as I could. With a quick flick I popped the release on my belt and slid the handle into my hand. 

As I slid the safety off and powered it on, the white glow from my plasma blade was a welcome sight for me. The nauseating stench of his flesh stung my nostrils, but I was relieved to be released from his grasp.

I wiggled my way from under my deceased attacker and scurried along the conduit as fast as I could move with my wounds. I barely noticed running into Fogwat and shoved him forward ahead of me. I could hear the mumbled voices of the trader and his other minion behind me and I knew we had but moments to escape. 

As I approached the Martian and the doctor something caught hold of my ankle and stopped me dead in my tracks. The only thing I could do was yell; "Run Jerry! Get the fuck out of here now! Run!"

Check back for Jerry's tale - Coming Soon!